The Silence Behind Closed Doors: Domestic Violence in Nigeria

By Sylvia Tochukwu-Ngige | http://Sylviangige.com_

I ‘ve sat with women who flinch at loud voices. I’ve spoken to men who said “I didn’t know calling her names was abuse too.” I’ve held the hands of children who thought bruises were normal.The silence behind closed doors concerning domestic violence in Nigeria is rising everyday.

If there is one truth I’ve learned writing from Anambra and across Nigeria, it’s this: domestic violence thrives in silence. And silence is killing us.

 Let’s call it what it is
Domestic violence is not just beating. The VAPP Act 2015 tells us it’s also threats, insults, sexual abuse, controlling money, stopping someone from working, or isolating them from family. It happens between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, parent and child.

Data from UN Women says 1 in 3 Nigerian women aged 15-49 has experienced physical violence. But numbers don’t capture the tears at 2am, the child who hides under the bed, or the woman who stays because “where will I go?”

Why do we keep quiet?
I’ll be honest. The reasons are painful but real:
– “Na my husband”: Many women are taught to endure. Parents say “marriage is not beans, you must persevere.”
– Money When he pays all the bills, leaving feels like jumping into darkness.
– Shame: “What will people say?” We’d rather protect our name than our lives.
– “He didn’t mean it”: The Silence Behind Closed Doors: Domestic Violence in Nigeria We explain away slaps, insults, and control as “stress” or “love.”

But love that hurts is not love. Discipline that leaves scars is not discipline. It is abuse.

A story that broke me
Last year in Awka, I met a woman I’ll call Ada. She smiled through our chat, but her daughter, 9 years old, had burns on her arm. “Daddy was angry,” the child whispered. Ada later told me the insults started first, then the shoves, then the beatings. She stayed for 7 years because of “home training.”

Today, Ada runs a small POS business. Her daughter is in school again. She told me, “Sylvia, the day I left, I heard silence for the first time. Peaceful silence.”

Ada’s story is not unique. It’s happening on your street. Maybe even in your compound.

The good news: Things are shifting
Nigeria is waking up. As of 2026, over 27 States have domesticated the VAPP Act. That means abusers can be prosecuted. The Child Rights Act is also law in 36 states.

We now have Sexual Assault Referral Centres like the Mirabel Centre in Lagos. NAPTIP runs helpline 627. Lagos DSVRT has 08000 333 333. NGOs like WARDC are giving free legal aid and counseling.

Even our traditional rulers and pastors are speaking up. “Marriage is partnership, not ownership” — I’ve heard that from pulpits in Awka. That gives me hope.

So what do we do?
If you’re reading this and you are in pain: Please know it’s not your fault. You did not “ask for it.” Your safety matters more than your marital status. Reach out. Call NAPTIP 627. Walk into your state Ministry of Women Affairs. Talk to someone you trust. Document the abuse if you can do it safely.

If a friend tells you their story: Don’t ask “what did you do?” Ask “are you safe?” Believe them. Help them find help.

If you’re raising children: Teach your son that real men don’t hit. Teach your daughter that she can say no. Teach both that anger is not an excuse for violence.

My final word
Nigeria cannot grow if our homes are battlegrounds. A nation of bruised women, traumatized children, and angry men will never reach its potential.

To every survivor reading this: I see you. I believe you. Healing is possible. Peace has a sound, and you deserve to hear it. Let’s break the silence. Together.

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Need help now in Nigeria?
1. NAPTIP: 627
2. Lagos DSVRT: 08000 333 333
3. Mirabel Centre Lagos: 0816 794 9043
4. WARDC: 0809 458 8794

You are not alone. And you deserve better.

Sylvia Tochukwu-Ngige Founde:www.sylvia.com | Where women’s power meets real life.

Internal links
1. `/category/women-issues/` – Link text: “More stories on women’s rights in Nigeria”
2. `/child-rights-act-anambra-state/` – Link text: “What the Child Rights Act means for Anambra children”
3. `/about-sylvia-tochukwu-ngige/` – Link text: “About the author”

External links:
1. NAPTIP- https://www.naptip.gov.ng | Link text: “Report abuse to NAPTIP 627”
2. Lagos DSVRT– https://dsvrt.lagosstate.gov.ng | Link text: “Lagos Domestic Violence hotline 08000 333 333”
3. UN Women Nigeria – https://nigeria.unwomen.org | Link text: “UN Women data on GBV in Nigeria”
4. Mirabel Centre– https://www.mirabelcentre.org | Link text: “Free medical & counseling support”